ive had this constant headache for about 2 months now and ive got a referral to go eliminate the offchance that its smt serious so i think its about high time i go and get that done. that aside alot of things have been on my mind about school work, postgrad options(work and school) and just well, how i havent been handling alot of things in life very well.
very quickly i have become a very serious person. maybe i always have been more on the serious side than not, but sometimes i wonder if im being too serious for someone my age. i dont mean by any rate that i want to be one of those club all the time, drink and spend money all the time kind of a person, but i wonder if my issues are deeper than i think they are. at 22 whatever stresses i may or may not justifiably feel shouldnt be affecting the way my body is.
i spend alot of time thinking. then i think about how i think, and i think:maybe i shouldnt think so much, mayb i think too much, and also maybe i think too much about thinking. So i think about how i can stop thinking, while thinking all the more.
Descartes must hate me abit now. doesnt this mean i am therefore i am , therefore i am, therefore i am what i am therefore? See then that would just bring up an existentialist crisis within an existentialist crisis! oh god, its a meta-existentialist crisis.
ive always thought(oh cripes im at it again) that you always end up being in some ways the person you never thought you would be. this month has brought that about again.i even said it out loud,this fact that i felt like an idiot about how i was being, while i was being that idiot. i was told to stop feeling guilty.
when i heard that, all i did was feel guilty about wasting someone's time to tell me not to be guilty for thinking about thinking too much.
ive clearly got some issues. and essays to write.