and if that means giving things and ideas up, id do it all in a second,rewind and do it again because you mean everything.
nothing bad can come out of this, no matter how many hits you or i or we have to take, everything is worth it.



i love you more than i know how to say or show, so i will always learn to be better and be more
for you, and for me, and for us.



i will pray harder,just want my baby to be okay.

hullo friends:) to answer a few questions ive been getting here and there at randomm..


yes im back in Singapore:)  I changed my flight and came home in the first week of June. Im not working and since school isnt till August, im getting this time to spend with Andrew and family here and there. The month has gone by very quickly and i have been eating alot more than ive become used to. This doesnt seem to stop me from continuing the next day tho'.

It seems, according to the Calendar and a message from huting that i am turning 21 next week. If youre offended or annoyed or cheesed off that you havent  been invited to my 21st celebrations, let me apologize  right now.  Essentially, no one has been invited , because in what will sound like an ebeneezer scrooge moment, im not having a party (read: Bah,Humbug!) Thank you very much to those who have conveyed wishesand thoughts, very much appreciated:)

Turning 21 is a big thing i guess, but i dont think im the social nuthead i was back in temasek days ( ohgoodlordspareusallthememories) and im pretty sure it wouldnt be fair, daughterly or mildly considerate to get mom/dad to fork out cash for a do right after ive got back from 5 mnths in Leeds.(which was good btw, thanks for asking, everyone who has..)

all in all what i m saying is, heh, sorry im not being " Come to my 21st Bash" cuz all the bashing there will be possibly is jus nick(my brother) trying to peel crabs with great failure with that infernal nutcracker.


as joyner often tells me, my life is like ( not a freaking box of chocolates...im using another cliche here..)a tv show. sometimes i think it puts  the overused, tired out channel 8 dramas to shame.In a funny (not funny, but..eh funny.. but EH NOT FUNNY, hurhur) way alot of tense and taxing situations come up and have to be learnt from and dealt with, but there is resolution, redemption and eventual gratification in them.

im sure somewhere in my stewing head there is something abit more intellectual i had intended to say, but until i actually get round to piecing it all together, lets just leave things at this:

to me..turning 21  has nothing to do with acceptance of my own legal authority or freedom to watch r21 films( :/ ) or about a great big party combining all groups of frens from st hildas to temasek to meridian to nus to family frens to family to frens to people who cross each circle or something( altho i appreciate all friendships and bonds with people in my life). turning 21 is a big stamp of " OK NOW U GROW UP" , its a great big moment where im going to wait for an epiphany( which is probably not a very adult thing to do , actually). when i turn 21 im going to make sure something in my head changes for good, that all our plans in life will  be acheived.


thank you friends, those who read this and those who might hear of this or those who will not read this ( but if i mention (u), will be poetic for me now, and perhaps for u in the future), for each point of contact we've had all these years.


andrew my sweetheart, i love u and i will love you right for always.

well-lofed denouplet


today while i was on da train to u i thought of all the things life has in store for us, and i felt ready to claim them all. as i sat and each station passed nothing was lost and everything slowly and surely made more and more sense. realising over and over and over again that i love u entirely has to be the best feeling in the world.



thank you for today
for everyday that has been
and will be

everything makes sense because i have you
and we have us

lofe u andrew jacob.
heh,mine.

see now youre alseep and in about 2h, i get to call u , wake u up, hear u sleepy like i will from the pillow next to mine all my life long and tell u 'i love u' like i will all our lives long, and best of alll get to feel it all over and over and over again, like we will all our life long.


sweet dreams angel sweetheart
i love u for always.

somedays we( as in a general person in the general human race) are strong, and somedays we are made strong. its been sometime since ive written like this,maybe because what i thought would be the best year of my life has turned out to be a year full of trials, tribulations, celebrations and well a year full of life , and its just half done.


introspection upon reflection upon self inspection seems to be the name of the not so dazzling game of life, and if the board game was anything to go by, my friends can testify that my prospects arent too luminiscent. However, probably  a lucky thing for me, real life means real deal dealing and like it or lump it, life , time and eveything else in synchrony with either/and/or each other, move along despite how garguantanly overwhelmed we ( as in a general person in the general human race) can feel.

it would be (too) simple to list it all down, the yays and nays of it all, try and inspect them one by one. Every word anyone says to anyone, every action with its butterfly effect reactions-actions-tions-ons-ns-ssss.Somedays it falls into place, somedays it doesnt but in a funny way, and somedays all the pieces of your puzzle have been taken out and rotated, pictureside painted black by the metaphorical toddler( read: foolish thought, foolish act, slip of grasp on things) of your life.


i dont really think im going to find a lightbulb moment within these words, and i think my ephipanies are reserved for moments abit more offtangent than plain 'ol stark realisation.there is always a flipside to things, to decisions, and to responsbilities, to the way people understand, accept and react to the way you think, talk, act, are.

what is it that is wrong?

the part(s) that stop the right from being the best, i guess.


im holding tight to the things that matter, and hoping to work my way through everything else.
looks like my hideout from life has lasted barely a week.

preadulthood growing up isnt something i think should bother me, i mean, its not really bout the age , is it?

tonight im going to try and savour these few moments of laying low before life on its slow, sure, serious,slightly sardonic axis starts revolving again, like a carousel but u know, with crappy music and headless horses

hello all:)

ive been back in SG since february i mean friday but will be laying low for the next two months or so, and im really sorry if i dont reply smses or calls cuz my fone's shot to shit, and im basically going on a hideout for the next two months:)



its good to be home, and i hope everyone's doing great!!!




the humidity is something to contend with tho;)




k,im off to the tv and spend some time w mom:)


mmmuah